I'm not 'that' woman.

Domestic Violence. The term still rung fresh in my ears days after it first hit me in the face like a tonne of bricks! This is so not about domestic violence. I was on my defensive and felt utterly compelled to protect the man that I love. The man that I had betrayed. The man that I made so angry and hurt that he lashed out at me. Given it was for two hours, I went through a wall and I think I had hurt my hip bone more than just bruising it... but I caused it. Hadn't I?

It took me weeks to come to terms with the descriptive word that explained my situation. When I say 'come to terms' I use that very loosely. It means I was able to do some background research on the topic online and in books. It means that I was open to finding out more about it. I still wasn't convinced that what I had gone through was domestic violence. I mean, weren't domestic violence victims people who were weak and couldn't think for themselves? Didn't their abusers hit them on more than one occasion? Wasn't the violence something that came out of no where?

Apparently not. 3 Months, 4 books and several counseling visits later, I am well aware of what happened and how it most definitely fits in the 'domestic violence' category. In fact, I fell into another category as well. I was also the victim of abuse. Emotional abuse. He was a very skilled and controlling manipulator.

All along I had thought that it was my fault that my lie had caused his 20 odd years of bottled up hate and hurt from his abuse as a child to be taken out on me. That I deserved it after hurting him so much and betraying his trust. The fact that my 'lie' was there in the first place to protect myself from his 'rules' never even entered my mind.

These days I am able to see it for what it was. I did nothing wrong. Though in saying that, I still feel guilt and I still believe that if I had of stuck to his rules no matter how uncomfortable they made me feel then none of this would have happened. Then again maybe it might have. Maybe it would have been something else that was a trigger for him. Regardless, I am now comfortable with the term domestic violence. I understand that he was manipulating me and I can now see very very clearly, just how controlling he was.

I was in a relationship with a controlling manipulator. I have experienced domestic violence first hand. I am that woman.